Where have all the pokers gone!?!?

A few weeks ago we lost every lancing device in the house. As you can see that is quite a feat to accomplish. I'm not too worried about misplacing any of them because we have backup meters & pokers at each major location that Brenna spends time visiting: Grammy & Graumpa's, preschool, & the Grandparents' VerHulst. I'll add notes to the flickr version of this picture later but you should know that the white BD poker is Brenna's favorite.

The newest "poker" in this batch is the Walgreens generic lancing device. It is difficult to put together and take apart to change out the lancette but I got it because it was the only thing available. Walgreens doesn't carry any other lancing devices anymore. The helpful advice I got from the folks in the pharmacy when I asked if there were any others available, "Call the number on the back of your meter. If they want you to test they'll send you a new one." I don't believe I will be shopping at Walgreens again. The Kaiser pharmacy doesn't have them on hand to purchase so I took a look at Rite Aid, Longs Drugs, and CVS. All of them carry the same crappy poker that Walgreens has only with their own logo and a couple of the locations also carry the $30 MultiClix. I don't want to shell out 30 bucks everytime a poker gets lost and I certainly don't want to spend that much for a backup at each location. Since it is a backup to our many other backups , hopefully, we won't have to use the Walgreens device very often.  So what has happened to all of the rest of the lancing devices that used to line the pharmacy shelves? I find it very, very strange that there are only these two lancing devices in retail stores. 

I would love, love, love to get the Pelikan Sun digital lancing device but right now I can't justify a $200 poker that isn't covered by insurance. Especially when we keep losing the pokers. Amy over at Diabetes Mine has a couple of good articles that she has written that make me want to justify that purchase. Until then, we'll have to keep an eye on the ones we've got. 

Not Meter Blood

Not Meter Blood
Originally uploaded by amberthyme.

We have this wonderful volcanic rock in front of our house that the kids just love to climb and play on. While climbing down Brenna started to wail piteously. Camera around my neck kicking back on the front porch (a fine view of less than 5 feet away) I didn't see her do anything that would make her cry so i tucked her meter under my arm, scooped her up, and whisked her away to the bathroom.

When she calmed down enough to show me her owie. I whipped out her meter and popped in a strip.
"Look Brenna, free blood! We don't have to poke."
She sniffled some more and took back her hand.
"No mommy, this is NOT meter blood".

Ah, well. I tried. After we cleaned up her hand we had to check her BG anyway.

Proof is in the pudding

Cake
Originally uploaded by amberthyme.

Or in the cake.

Cake

As I stood in my kitchen at midnight licking blue icing from my fingertips I looked down at my most recent creation and thought,

"I should have had somebody else do this. Why am I decorating a cake the night before Mother's Day?"

My mind raced through the litany of my faults:
Bad at organizing
Didn't plan ahead
Should have done this last weekend when I had more time & was off
Need more patience
Should have done this Wednesday after work
Suck at parties
Lousy at housework

Over and over and over and over. Same stuff different words. I know negative thoughts breed faster than rabbits and are harder to get rid of so I try to inject a few "positives" into the cycle:
Everything will be OK
Calm down
Relax
AaaaaK!

See, I did think ahead in March and started to try and plan for Rowan's birthday but I kept figuring that this week is too busy so I'll do something about it next week. Rowan's birthday was on May 7th, Wednesday. I made him his favorite breakfast, Daddy & Brenna brought cupcakes to his class, and Grammy and Grandpa had a cake and a great spaghetti dinner that night. Rowan wanted to invite his classmates but you can't just invite a few in Kindergarten and I can't afford to take 25 kids to Funworks and I don't think that I am patient (or insane) enough to keep track of all of them in our pool. I explained that cupcakes at school was for his school friends and the party on Sunday was for family. So anyhow if I had just sat down to plan this earlier I wouldn't be planning a birthday party at 2:00 on Mother's Day. I feel like I'm treading water in everyday life so add a special occasion or holiday that I have to plan for and I sink to the bottom until the event is over and done. Maybe someday I'll get better at this. Maybe I won't. I try and keep positive.

But what about that cake? Why not just buy one decorated or ask my Mom to make one?

Because it's my oasis.

When I'm decorating the cake I am in the moment.
It's like a meditation.
Squeeze, lift, move, squeeze, lift, move
I have to stop cleaning the house for a little while and futzing about with stuff I should be doing more often
Mix, scoop, squeeze

Short and simple, I like to do it and it calms me.
I think of my own birthday cakes and how happy I was to see
A Cinderella pumpkin cake with little mice
Garfield
Barbie in a cake dress
Looking at my birthday cakes made for me by my Mommy I felt special.
They were just perfect and the parties were always fun.


I want to make Rowan feel special.
He always looks at me and tells me I'm beautiful, no matter how rumpled I am.
He always tells me I smell like a rose, even if I've been gardening and smell more like dirt & sweat.
Everyday he tells me he loves me.
In the moment of decorating his cake I think of how much I love him and how special he is.


After.
As I look down with blue tipped fingers at the cake I feel stupid for trying.
If I were more organized, more patient I'd have done this last weekend with all of his classmates and those little gift baggies. Instead I'm hoping that it's good enough.
Hoping that I'm good enough for such a sweet, kind, little boy.