Friday, June 29, 2007

Where your friends are

I knew they were around here somewhere. I'm starting to talk to friends again. It's very nice. I love going to Starbucks in the Market and seeing Sam. I need to go and visit her when we're both not working. Friday night I got driven home by Zaid. I went to Chilli's with the girls. Shannen, Donna, Melissa, and I hung out, caught up, and had fun. Zaid took Al back to Chili's (there's one out by the mall sorta where the movie theater where we saw the 15th anniversary edition of Rocky Horror used to be). They'll be picking up the car that I couldn't drive home - 2 margaritas and I was not fit to drive. Very nice end to a barfy day (no, literally, Rowan was barfing Thursday night and a little on Friday too. Therin took a nap so I figure he's fighting off this bug too.)

Al & I were supposed to go our and celebrate our anniversary Friday night but with Rowan sick I didn't want to take the kids over to my Mom & Dad's house. Mom agreed. I called and talked to Jenny on the phone tonight. Gary writes my MySpace (I never look at my myspace) and opened up a can of worms that got buried months ago. Whatever, at least he's writing. I went out to Chevy's with Jim just after my birthday for the first time in ages. This month I've made a big effort to reach out to my friends. It has been very hard. Diabetes is routine, I don't have to think about it a whole lot, just do it, unless Brenna's numbers are all wonky and I have to back up and figure it out all over again.

It's hard to do. Reach out. I don't know why. While I'm feeling better I'm snatching the opportunity before it slips away again. It's a lot easier to lurk, read posts, and when I feel up to it after I've thought about it and come up with something to say then type it than deal with ambiguous conversations that could go anywhere, I guess. Kinda makes me feel a little cowerdly.

After I knew my blog was being read, it became harder to post. I started it for me as a place to vent -- and then I had readers. I thought I had to come up with something more interesting than my whining. I have a lot of draft posts that have never made it live because I felt they were too whiny or weird to post. I love getting comments. It is so much fun to have a dialogue with other people who are reading about me and my family because they care.
I try and strike a balance with positive and negative. I still lurk a lot. Thanks for letting me lurk. Without my online friends I don't know if i would have gotten to this point again.

So, I want to thank my friends. My "here and now" friends for being patient with my absence and allowing me to pick up where I left off. My "virtual" friends for letting me lurk and gain my confidence back. Mom, my friend who listens to me no matter what.

And Al, my partner, my best friend, my husband. The man who loves me inspite of all my insanities. He thinks I'm perfect even when I know damn well I am far from it. He takes my shit and doesn't stoop to throwing it back at me -- even when I deserve it. He kicks me out of the house when I won't take a break on my own and makes sure friends are there with me. And he makes it possible, on a day like today, for me to blog.

Thank you, everybody.

4 comments:

Drunk Drama Queen said...

awww- we loves you too, sweets!

BTW- what can of worms did Gary open? I don't do myspace... mostly for stubborn reasons..

Love ya

Bernard said...

I hope you had a great date with your sweetheart. How many years are you celebrating?

Al sounds like a great guy. Good for him.

Do you think TuDiabetes is helpful for sharing and learning about how to cope with all the stuff that comes with taking care of the big D?

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Awwwww....

I can totally relate to censoring yourself on the blog. It's a constant tight rope to walk between what might hurt people and what is really good and when to post something that might be both.

Amberthyme said...

DDQ - I left you a little can in your comments. Hopefully it's not too smelly.

Bernard- We had a wonderful time celebrating our 12th anniversary.
When I read the stories on TuDiabets I see that we are all going through the same things and it is helpful -- but my favorite blogs have been filling that role for longer. I read stories of adults that deal with the ups and downs get frustrated and get back on track - it gives me hope without hanging my hat on the "cure" rack. And reading about parents in the same boat definately helps me cope.

QoD - I couldn't agree with you more. For me it's figuring out when it would actually do some good that's the hard part.