Reaching out

I don't know why but I'm having such a hard time reaching out to the people around me for support. There is this wonderful lady who works for the county and forwards flyers and such for all of the diabetes group things happening around here. So far we haven't been able to make it to a single event. Well, we did make it to the Halloween event at the hospital across the street from us. My daughters Animas pump rep was there to introduce us to a few people. But I didn't see Gina there. I'd love to go to a support group, if nothing else so that Brenna can see other kids with diabetes and I can talk with other people who KNOW.

Everyone at work asks me how my little girl is doing but on those really wierd days when my mom calls with bg concerns or sleepless nights testing because she's having nightmares (ok, is she having nighmares because she's being poked 24/7? or is it high/low blood glucose? is it because she's 2?) Then instead of giving them the "everything is fine" I start speaking "diabetes". I didn't even realize that I spoke a foreign language until my librarian coworkers were asking me for definitions. Oops.

I'm not even talking to my friends very much lately. I need to. They are wonderful people and I miss them so much. They let me talk in diabetes even if they don't understand completely they don't try and fix things they just listen. I sure hope I get to repay them sometime. I really found out who my friends were when Brenna was in the hospital. I had so many messages on my cell phone (I think they have "expired" they weren't in my voice mail last I checked) with messages of hope and support. I listened to them a lot when we were in Santa Clara and even when we got home. But it's hard. I don't want to keep dumping on them so I've withdrawn. Not on purpose. I'm just so tired and I don't feel like I have much energy for anything other than work & pancreas duty. I don't feel like I'm doing that great during diabetes duty. Her numbers are good, until I take over. Or that's what it seems like anyway.

I need somebody to gripe to about this disease. I think blogging & reading other blogs is helping a little bit. It's nice to know somebody else is out there.